Afraid of monsters: how to support your child at night

Halloween brings costumes, witches and monster stories. For some children, it is all fun and games; for others, certain images linger in their minds when it is time for bed.

In my consultations, I see six-year-olds, but also children aged eight or nine, who need company when going to bed, using the toilet or moving around the house. They are afraid there might be something under the bed, that someone might appear while they are in the shower, or that an animal could hurt them while they sleep.

In the dark, there are fewer clues to help us recognise what is around us: a piece of clothing can look like a figure, and an everyday noise can seem unsettling. When children go to bed, worries and the need to be close to their adults can also become more prominent. Not all fears have the same cause.

Even if what they imagine is not happening, the fear they feel is real. Even when they know monsters belong in stories, that knowledge is not always enough to reassure them.

Imagine a seven-year-old girl who plays happily during the day but, at night, asks to be accompanied to the bathroom and for someone to stay nearby while she falls asleep. She asks whether there is anything in the wardrobe. Her family explains that there are no monsters, but she is still frightened.

In situations like this, repeating explanations does not always help. Often, what the child needs first is to feel listened to, find comfort with an adult and, little by little, discover that they can face what frightens them.

Fear works like an alarm: it prepares us to respond to what we perceive as a threat. Sometimes it goes off even when there is no real danger. Understanding this helps us support children without dismissing their feelings or fuelling their fears.

How can we help children?

Listen to how they feel. When a child is frightened, we can start by acknowledging their feelings: “I can see you’re scared. I’m here with you.” We do not need to convince them straight away that nothing is happening. Listening calmly and offering reassurance can help them feel settled again. Afterwards, we can help them distinguish between what they imagine and what is happening around them.

Find a calm moment during the day. When a child’s fear is already intense at bedtime, it can be difficult to talk. At another time, we can ask: “What worries you most?” Listening without questioning them or suggesting answers helps us understand their experience. Sometimes they may not yet be able to explain it, and that is all right.

Make room for drawing, play and stories. If they feel like it, children can draw what they imagine, invent a character or change the ending of a story. Perhaps the monster ends up wearing enormous slippers or has a ridiculous voice. Humour can help them get some distance from their fear, as long as they enjoy it. The point is not to laugh at their fear or force them to act out what frightens them. Stories can also feature characters who feel afraid, ask for help and gradually discover their own resources.

Offer reassurance and keep bedtime routines calm. A soft light, a favourite cuddly toy or a few minutes reading together can make bedtime more pleasant. Predictable routines provide reassurance and help children know what to expect. The aim is not to make their fear disappear straight away, but to give them a safe environment in which they can gradually build confidence.

Take small steps, without forcing them. Becoming more independent does not mean withdrawing your support all at once. We can suggest small changes suited to each child: for example, the adult could sit beside the bed rather than lie next to them. As the child feels more secure, we can gradually reduce our presence. The important thing is to give them opportunities to discover that they can face what frightens them, respecting their pace and recognising their efforts, without demanding that they stop feeling afraid.

Take care over what they see and hear. A film, video or even a documentary can leave children with unsettling images. Wanting to watch certain content does not mean they are ready to manage the emotions it may bring up. It is worth helping them choose what to watch and avoiding anything that frightens them, especially close to bedtime. Halloween can be enjoyed without making them take part in scares or activities they do not want to do.

When should you seek help?

Childhood fears are common and, in many cases, are part of growing up. However, if they persist, get worse or significantly interfere with sleep, everyday activities or family life, it is worth consulting a paediatrician or a child psychologist.

There is no need to wait until the situation becomes unbearable before seeking advice.

Supporting children does not mean making all their fears disappear tonight. It means helping them discover, at their own pace, that they can feel afraid, receive support and continue to grow in confidence.